The Five Best Things: Nov 7, 2020

AI fails and voting by mail

A bit late to your inbox - you can probably imagine why! Caught Dave Chappelle on SNL live, with the Foo Fighters as musical guests. They should have just let him do the monologue for the whole 90 minutes 🙄

Y’all are probably tired, as am I.. I’ll keep this one short.

The Five Best Things

  1. SBNation: Soccer match ruined when AI-controlled camera mistakes ref’s bald head for ball

    • Football (which heathens in America call soccer) in Scotland is being played without audiences right now. Inverness Caledonian Thistle didn’t employ a cameraman, using an “AI'“ controlled camera instead to follow the ball. Unfortunately the linesman ended up being a bald dude….

  2. SelenaMontgomery.com

    • Stacey Abrams, a Georgia politician, was instrumental in President-elect Joe Biden’s narrowing the vote gap in the Georgia state race (the race itself looks likely headed to recount, so I hesitate to declare him the winner). She did this by dedicating herself to fight for expanded voter rights since 2018, when she ran for Governorship in Georgia, and lost in a manner befitting of comic book super hero origin stories. Widespread voter suppression tactics were adopted by the winning Republican side. Apparently in her ample free time - which includes being a CEO of an infant beverage company - she writes Gothic romance novels under the pseudonym Selena Montgomery. She’s sold over 100,000 copies!

    • By the way, she was born in Madison, WI and studied public policy at the LBJ school at UT! Aside from being a Yale Law School grad of course.

  3. Continuing the thread of folks who don’t stop fighting for voting rights - Ernie Chambers, a Nebraska lawmaker who ensures the NE-5 district is not winner-take-all. The man also has excellent taste in sweatshirts!

  4. Some Pure Joy™ - Omar Alshogre on getting admitted to Georgetown University, in DC! His story is documented by NPR here: as a teenager, he survived torture conducted in Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad’s prison camps; lost his father and brother in a government conducted massacre, gained asylum in Sweden, and is a witness in a war crimes trial against Assad.

  5. Inc.com: Ty Haney Speaks Out About Outdoor Voices' Missteps--and What Comes Next

    • An interview with Ty Haney, founder of Outdoor Voices - an Austin headquartered sports apparel brand, with a cult-like following. She was ousted as CEO, just after her maternity leave last year, before returning to the company recently. In this interview, she comes across as completely self-aware and honest about what led to the missteps at OV - her immaturity, ignorance of operational problems, and not building relationships with the board. “Forgiveness is the power move” is a really good mantra for the world right now.

    • A good pre-ouster interview with Haney here on How I Built This.

  6. *Bonus Bullet* New Yorker: How to Throw Yourself a Middle-Age Reveal Party

    • Knee Test: Squat down to grab something out of a low cabinet, like a colander or a cake pan. If you can stand back up without assistance, you are not in middle age. But, if you slowly tip over onto your side while hissing “Fuckkkkkk this life,” you are!

    • The Scroll: While guests watch, log on to a Web site that requires you to enter the year in which you were born via a drop-down menu. Now see how long it takes you to scroll down far enough to find that year. Two minutes? Three? Do you see 1929 at the bottom of the list? Then—ding-ding-ding! Hello, oldie.

    • Menu-Reading: Have a party guest hand you a restaurant menu. Without using glasses, a flashlight app, candlelight, or a child’s help, try to read at least three items. If you make it to the salads section without throwing the menu across the room and shrieking, “What the hell! Is this a restaurant for mice?”—congratulations! You are still considered attractive by some.

    • Piñata Time!: Hang up a man-shaped piñata, then grab a bat. If you just gently knock the piñata around a few times, you are not in middle age. But if you whack the shit out of that crêpe-paper motherfucker like it just voted to take away your reproductive rights, all while screaming, “DEATH TO THE PATRIARCHY! EAT PAIN, DIPSHIT!,” your A.A.R.P. card is already in the mail. You’ll also need some Motrin for your sore biceps.

    • Box o’ Fucks: Two boxes labelled “fucks” are placed on a table. You must choose one, and only one, to open. If the box you choose is full of fucks, you are not in middle age. Go buy a crop top on Instagram, kid. But if you open a box and there are no fucks inside—if there are no fucks left to give and you couldn’t find a fuck even if you used a fucking fuck detector—guess what? You’re middle-aged, baby. And that means the party’s now over. Send your guests home. It’s time to cry-eat and watch “Murder, She Wrote.”

Job Drop

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are my own and do not represent my employer.